Santa or No Santa?! Is there a happy medium?

This is going to be a long post, I can feel it. Stick with me though!

I have been pondering and struggling with a particular subject for a couple of weeks now. I have thought about it since E was a baby, but never had to worry so much about it until this year. I am torn. I don't know what to do. I have a smart 5 year old and answering her questions about Santa is getting harder and harder. I never thought that this whole "Santa" thing would be hard on me as a Mom and it hasn't been hard, until now.

In years past E and J boy (who still doesn't get it all) never "Believed" in Santa because they never really got it. I never said to her "Here is what Santa brought you for Christmas." Because honestly she could have cared less who the presents were from, it was hard enough to get her to pause and look at the tag before she ripped open her gifts. So it never was a problem. I never pushed the whole Santa thing on her because she's a kid, she watches tv and sees and hears all the stories about Santa, who he is and what he does and his role at Christmas. It never bothered me because she never asked questions.

My siblings and I "believed" in Santa when we were very young. My parents put out presents under the tree to each child from Santa. We left out Stockings that were filled by Santa. We left cookies and milk on Christmas Eve night for Santa and a carrot or two for his reign deer. It was fun! We loved it. I don't remember my parents saying these words exactly "Yes, Santa is real and he brings you gifts." they may very well have said just that, but I don't remember. I think Santa is just something kids find out about and it's all so magical and fun that they just believe he is real.

I must have found out at a young age that it all was just that, fun and not real at all. I don't remember being so upset when I found out that Santa was not real so it must have been that I found out at a young age and I just don't remember OR it was a totally traumatic experience that I have blocked from my memory, either way I don't remember finding out the truth about Santa.

Long after we stopped believing my Mom and Dad stilled played Santa. Us kids even "played Santa" putting out cookies and milk, checking our stockings from Santa etc. It was still fun even though we knew it was all not real. Our Parents would still threaten us with "Santa doesn't bring gifts to naughty kids." or "Santa doesn't come until you are asleep." all those wonderful threats that Santa can provide for parents were still used in our home long after our belief in him was gone.

My parents were great examples of sharing with us kids the true meaning of Christmas, making sure we knew this holiday and time of year was not just about Santa or getting things but that is was about Christ, his birth, his life, his ultimate gift to man kind. I remember not being able to open any presents until the story was read from the Bible, I hated it when I was younger but it has become a favorite part of my Christmas morning tradition. I have done this with our little family, turning the focus of Christmas off of Santa and reminding my sweet girl who this Holiday and what this Holiday is really all about.

BUT she still is wanting to know all about Santa. Santa is every where, it is sad to see it shoved all over the shelves and see less and less of Christ around during this season. It is hard to shelter her from Santa and I wouldn't do that but she has questions and we, her parents, need to be the ones to answer them.

So here is where I am at right now. I don't want to lie to my kids forcing them or even tricking them to believe in Santa only to have to tell them just a year or two down the road that, in fact he is not real at all. That seems kind of silly to me. I liked having fun as a kid doing all the "Santa" things in our house, but that was never the focus of Christmas in our home, but still a very fun part.

My big girl is 5 years old now and very smart and wants to put things together and has lots of questions. I don't know which direction to take it in.

For example: We are doing our own little Harker Christmas here before heading out to my folks for the actual Christmas Holiday. I asked E what she wanted for Christmas so I can get on top of it and prepare for our little Christmas of gift opening here in a couple of weeks. Well her reply to my question was "Well I'll just tell Santa what I want." I thought carefully how I'd respond to this. Never have I said to her "What are you going to ask Santa for Christmas." or "What do you want Santa to bring you for Christmas." this is something she has found out through movies/tv school etc. that Santa brings you a gift. So My response was just this "Well you can tell me what you want for Christmas too." But where does that leave her thought process? Does that lead her to believe he is real by me saying you can tell Santa and Mommy what you want for Christmas? I don't know.

I kept pushing her, "I need to know what you want for Christmas." She finally said "Well Santa can just get me what I want." sigh. What do I say? I want her to know that the gifts are not actually from Santa but that Mommy and Daddy buy them and put them under the tree for her, from Santa. See how it gets weird?

I have one of my Best Friends who's family, growing up, never believed in Santa but yet they still did the Santa things, knowing it was all just for fun and pretend. I talked to her on the phone the other day and brought up my dilemma to her, knowing she does not (in her family with her kids now) do the whole believing in Santa thing because that is how it was in her house when she was a child. She gave me good advice but I still am trying to find a happy medium for me and my family. She said (I'm putting it into my words) basically "Kids love to pretend and Christmas will still be magical while "playing" Santa but not actually thinking he is real and is the one that brings them gifts. It was still magical for me and we still left cookies for Santa knowing he was not real. You won't be taking away the Christmas fun by telling her he is pretend."

I liked that. I like it because it is so true. Kids love to pretend, and Santa IS pretend. So I guess I'm just trying to find that happy medium with my kids and where to take our Family Traditions this year which will set up what we may very well do for years to come.

I have an idea of what I think we will do in our Family with the whole Santa thing. I think it could be really good. But I think I'll share it with you when I work it all out in my head and let you know if it works for us.

So my questions to you are:

"How did you do Santa at your house growing up, was it hard on you to find out he was not real?"

"How do you do Santa NOW at your house?" OR if your kids are still too young to even get it "How will you do the whole Santa thing when they start asking questions, like my daughter is?"

Just curious what your thoughts are. Not that you will change my mind on how I feel about the whole subject, it's just interesting to see what others have done or will do with their families.

(told you it was going to be long)

to be continued with what I have or will decide to do.....