Random Ramblings at 2 AM

Here I sit, WIDE awake.

This is the third or fourth night, or should I say morning, in a row that my body springs wide awake at 2:30 am.

I'm getting kind of sick of it, mostly because I have a hard time falling back asleep after I have to get up and go down the hall to go to the bathroom.

I just took two Tylenol PM and now I'm just waiting for them to kick in.

Until they do I still cannot fall asleep, so here is what is on my mind.....

My baby sister got married yesterday, well technically it is today still, since the three hour time difference still puts them on today (Friday).

I'm sad I missed the whole thing. I hate being the only one in the family not home for big occasions, what can I do?

It's weird to think of her as a married woman now. I still have it in my head that she is the young innocent girl still living at home with Mom and Dad. My little baby sister.....she's all grown up and married.

((sniffle, sniffle)) I almost started crying. It's the hormones....

You see, she and I are ten years apart. So I have it in my head that she is still as young as she is when I left home (at age 18 for college) and that she is only 8 years old. I've come home for Holidays and what-not since then, but for some reason my brain still thinks she is how she was when I left. It's hard to explain.....especially at 2 AM.

I was ten years old when she was born and I LOVED helping my Mom take care of her. In fact I probably changed more of her diapers than my Mom did, or any one in the house for that matter :) But I didn't mind, I liked playing "Mommy". It seemed like more often than not, I was the one feeding Whitney, or changing her or playing with her. I didn't mind, I thought it was fun and I'm sure my Mom loved the help.

When I became a Mom for the first time and brought my daughter home, it was the weirdest thing.....I started calling my E girl Whitney (my baby sister's name). It shocked me the first time I did that. I laughed and thought it was weird, but then I kept doing it. To this day, If I'm talking about E or Whitney I get their names all mixed up. It's a funny thing, my whole Family laughs about it.

I have decided that the reason I do this, is because Whitney was the last "baby" I knew. She was the last new born that had my heart. So when my new born came along my brain just kept going back in time to when I'd hold and love on Whitney. It's funny how our brains work.

So this whole, Whitney getting married thing has kind of been hard on me. It just seems like she's still this little girl, my brain is stuck in time with her and now I have to come to the realization that she is an Adult and IS married now! I can not imagine how my Parents feel right now, their BABY is married!

I am happy for her, for them! I am, it's just hard to realize she's growing up and getting older, and so am I!

I love Family weddings because it gets me thinking back on mine. I love reminiscing back on that special day of ours. C and I sat in bed last night reminiscing about the week leading up to and the weeks after we were married and how crazy they were, but how fun they were at the same time.

Such fun times we had back then! Until we found out we were pregnant, JUST KIDDING! Although it was quite the shock to find out we were going to be parents so soon after we were married, I wouldn't trade it in for the world.

Man, all that craziness, it seems so long ago. C and I have been through A LOT together. It's been almost 7 years and I have loved every minute of it. We've hard our hard times, sure. Marriage isn't easy, but I feel like it really hasn't ever been hard for us to love each other and give our selves to each other. We've loved and grown so much together that it's hard to look back and see anything bad. Some days I feel like it has gone by in the blink of an eye, and other times I feel like we've been married for eternity already (in a good way ;)

I just hope and wish the best for my Baby Sister. I have loved being married and having a family. I hope she finds the same happiness and joy in her new journey, that I have found in mine.

Alright.....Tylenol is kicking in, I'm having a hard time typing.

Off to bed for the night hopefully!